Why you don't get laid....

This is again, sourced through a very charming young lady, who specifically asked that her name should not be mentioned here. She has a very insightful approach in life. She's a deep thinker. Her writings are profound. But where she lacks, is only her linguistic skills. If only "fuck", "ass hole", "mothafucka", "son of a bitch", "cunt face" et all were considered as part of Wren & Martin, she would be professor of English at Yale.


Read on, leave an abuse or two, if ur a guy.....and "lol" if ur a chick....


NOTICE : The following piece of writing contains for many, what is usually termed as "reality check". Substantial tests have shown that a species called "morons" reacts adversely to it. Read at your own risk...for you might discover that ur a moron.


PS: Urs truly has done some editing to make it more appealing :P
I deserve some credit too if u likey...



TOP TEN REASONS WHY YOU CAN’T GET LAID (OR, NO NOOKIE FOR YOU, ASSHOLE!):

10. YOU’RE LAZY. You’d rather sit on your ass in front of the computer or television than actually go out and try to meet someone. You expect women to magically appear at your door the moment you get a hard-on. You want sex, but you don’t want to work for it. You don’t even want to have to change clothes after you fuck. Get off your ass if you want things to change or shut the hell up.

9. YOUR STANDARDS AND EXPECTATIONS ARE RIDICULOUS. You want to fuck a porn starlet or sex goddess, not a real woman. You expect us to have a perfect body and always be ready to fuck. Your ideal woman is some ridiculous image that the media and porn industry has brainwashed you to believe is desirable. You think of women in terms of parts, not the whole. You forget that there’s a human being there. How can we possibly want to make love to you when you don’t even think of us as person? The sad truth is, you’re so horny you’d probably fuck anything in a skirt. But because you don’t have the brainpower to think for yourself, you don’t recognize a real woman when she’s RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU. Helloooooooooo? Anybody in there?

8. YOU DON’T KNOW HOW TO MAKE THE FIRST MOVE GRACEFULLY. We expect you to make the first move: to ask us out, to kiss us, to make a pass, and to initiate sex. Right or wrong, you’ve got to deal with it. If you’re not getting any, you haven’t finessed the art of the gentle come-on. We can’t read your minds so don’t expect us to appear at your door ready for sex. And lose those lame come-on lines. They never work. Do you really think that any self-respecting woman reading an ad that basically says, “Let me fuck you and toss you aside” would pick you? Get real.

7. YOU DON’T KNOW HOW TO PACKAGE YOURSELF. Face it, first impressions are made within the first 30 second of visual contact. If you don’t make yourself appealing to the opposite sex, why the hell should we fuck you? You don’t dress well and your hygiene leaves much to be desired. We spend HOURS making ourselves look beautiful. You show up for a date sweaty from basketball practice, unshaven, wearing a wrinkled T-shirt, torn jeans, and want to jump right into the sack. I don’t think so, stud. When’s the last time you took a BATH, beefcakes?

6. YOU ARE BORING, BORING, BORING! You have nothing interesting to say besides “Let’s fuck.” You forget that the sexiest organ in the whole human body is the brain. You talk about yourself and don’t ask anything about us. Do you think we really want to hear how good your golf game is? Honey, we’re just being polite while we mentally think “Next!” Broaden your horizons, babe. The sexiest men I have ever known stimulated my mind as well as my body. Read something besides Sports Illustrated, for Chrissakes.

5. YOU HAVE NO PATIENCE. You expect a woman to leap into the sack with you immediately, on the first date. You are a child of the internet age, expect instant gratification, and have the attention span of a millisecond. You do not understand that planning, perseverance and persistence are what lead to success. It takes time to build up passion, and you have no patience. Good things come to those who wait. If you want instant gratification, call a hooker or pop a porn video in the VCR and make friends with your right hand. But don't blame us if you can only come and go in less than a minute.

4. YOU’RE NOT NICE. You don’t treat women with respect. You’re a closet misogynist or psychopath bent on hurting us. You expect every woman to spread her legs wide open for you. You don’t want to know us, not really. You just want to fuck us and discard us. You won’t call us afterwards, even though you say you will. You forget we have feelings. You’re mean, selfish, crazy, vain, or just fucking NUTS. Get lost, loser.

3. YOU DON’T LISTEN TO US AT ALL. You are psychologically incapable of understanding the word “No”. You don’t hear us when we tell you our hopes and dreams. You stare at our cleavage when we tell you about our lives. You don’t pay attention to us when we are trying to tell you something important, something that might actually get you extra points in the relationship game. You don’t listen when we say we love you and need you. And you wonder why we ignore you when you try to hit on us? Get a clue.

2. YOU HAVE NO CLUE HOW TO PLEASE A WOMAN IN BED. You SAY you love to give oral sex, and that a woman’s pleasure matters most to you, but your actions show you only want to “stick and move.” Ladies, how many times have you heard men say that they love oral sex only to have a guy make a drive by lick before he penetrates? Guys, we know the truth about you. We tell our girlfriends everything. Word about you is already on the street and spreading fast. Feel paranoid? You should. Our network is bigger than the internet.


And the number one reason why you can't get laid:


1. YOU JUST DON’T GET IT. You haven’t a clue. You don’t understand women and don’t even want to try. You’d rather be bitter, misogynistic, lazy, sloppy, smelly, frustrated, selfish, mean, vain, crazy or just plain stupid than make an honest-to-God, real-live attempt to connect with the opposite sex. Enjoy your porn movies because that’s the only naked woman you are ever going to see.